The Stupification of Ed
by Drunken Kender
Summary: Was Ed always the stupid laughing drooling hyena that he was in the movies? Of course not! Find out what happened. (Contains mild drug use)


*** Whilst watching The Lion King, I got a little bit curious as to how Ed got to be so.. Um... Stupid. It never explains in the movie, so, I've decided to take it into my own hands... Which is why it wasn't in a G Rated movie. ***  
  
"You know, one of these days, something's going to happen to the two of you chaps, and it's not going to be pretty, if you keep up this insesive trouble making and laughing." Edward offered towards his companions, Banzai and Shenzi, as he watched the pack of Wildabeasts from behind a large rock. His eyes strategicly moving around, looking at the younger, weaker beasts. Looking at some of the much older, and degenerating ones. Making mental notes of the best ways to attack. Come in from the rear, and attack from down low.   
  
You see, Edward (recently shortened to 'Ed' because his friends simply didn't want to put up the effort to call him by his full name) hadn't always been the idiot that he was durring most of Mufasa's reign, or durring all of Scar's reign. At one point, he had been one of the most intelligent Hyena's that had lived around Pride Rock. With his eyes locked upon the Wildabeast, he wasn't paying attention to Shanzi, who was currently wavign around a toad that she'd captured down by the old swimming hole. "Hey Ed! You know I -toad- you we didn't have to hang out here all day to find food!" This, of course, sent both Banzai and Shenzi into a fit of riotous laughter.  
  
"Oh! Oh! Shenzi! I got one! Just in time for that big frog to grow up, we're gonna' take his life, and -ribbit- away from him!" Once more, the two of them burst forth into hysterical giggles. Edward on the other hand, was getting tired of the annoying puns and laughter, which was causing the Wildabeasts he was methodicly picking apart, to look in the dirrection of the rock where the noise was comming from.  
  
"Oh would you two just shut up for a moment, I'm trying to get our dinner." He snapped over his shoulder, however, that was just in time for him to get pelted in the face by the toad, which had slipped from Shenzi's grasp as she was swinging it about. The toad had come in dirrect contact with the young hyena's eyes, which already had a slight problem, with one being off center and all. However, something that was leaking from the toad's skin, a sort of protective poison, got into the other eye. Causing it to almost instantly bug out, and look a bit off to the other side. As the toad sort of slid down his face, he opened his mouth to speak, an aweful mistake.   
  
As the toad slid past Edward's mouth, a bit of the venom slid onto his tongue. Which, much like his eye, had swollen slightly, gone numb, and apparently, cut off all of his ability to use it. "Oh! Ed! Your tongue's all hangin' out!" Shenzi pointed out, with a jab towards the loosely hanging muscle with ne of her paws. The tongue swung around slightly, as Edward offered both of them a rather harsh glare. Or, what would have been, had he been able to narrow that left eye. But, alas, the poison had teken it's effects, and wouldn't let him control it at all.  
  
With a huff of annoyance at his friends, who were now both doubled over in laughter. The Wildabeasts gone off, for fear that something was going to attack. Edward trotted off quietly, in search of water, to try and rise the poison from his eye and tongue. Trudging along down the road in an all too unhappy mood, he idly thought to himself. 'Why even hang around with those dim-witted bafoons anymore? All they do is mess up my plans for any scheduled and thought out hunting. I would be much better off without them, I'm sure of it.' And so his train on thought went, basicly just badmouthing his friends, for having a smaller intelligence then himself. But little did he know, all of that was about to change.  
  
The swelling in hsi eyes was starting to go down by the time he'd found a suitable little puddle of water, in which he could easily clean it out, as well as his tongue. Though, as he leaned down, and let his tongue hit the water. Something interesting happened. it felt like his tongue was on fire. Though, at the sae time, frozen solid. Soon, his eyes felt like they were the size of large grapefruits, though they weren't. His legs had tied themselves in knots, and colors were exploding before his eyes, like fireworks! Bright reds, blues, and greens, all comming together to creat a wonderful display of colors in front of him. Such a marvelous sight. All the while, his tongue was quickyl lapping in and out of his mouth, taking up the interesting water, where it would quickly be swallowed down.  
  
After a good deal of time was gone, Edward found himself simply licking at dry ground, but it was the most interesting thing he'd ever done! Oh, it was marvelous! He could taste each and every little particle, and they all tasted different. A bit of drool had started to form in the corner of his mouth, and his back was heaving as he laughed loudly. His eyes never did righten themselves out again, but he didn't care. This new sensation, it was amazing! He was on a higher place of existance. His body could float, he was sure of it, he could do anything he wanted, and nothin would happen. he was invincable, as strong as Pride Rock itsself.. But wait! Somethign wasn't right, here! He looked over towards three Antelope that were frolicking about together in a small pack. And the only thing he could thing of, was charging!  
  
'No, that's not right! It can't be!' He said to himself, in his mind of course, as he didn't feel like pulling his tongue back into his mouth to speak. 'Oh! But it must be -great- fun! Lets go for it!' And without further ado, he bounded off, stumbling over his own paws as he went, in radicle zig zagging paterns in the grass.  
  
The rustling of the grass, adn the laughter of the now rather brai-fried hyena had caught the attention of someone else, who was resting up in a near by tree. Rafiki looked down at the hyena, and instantly recognized him. he knew this hyena quite well, actually. The one and only hyena that could actually hold a conversation, and a decent one at that. But why was he acting so odd? Then it hit the baboon like a ton of bricks! His eyes snapped down to where he'd been earlier in the dar.  
  
A few melons had been cracked open, and a few crushed berries and leaves of -all- sorts scattered around the little muddy spot on the ground. "Oh no!" Rafiki cried out loud before he swung down from the branch he was resting on. "That stupid hyena! He drank my -special- wata'!" Of course, it was 'special' for a reason. Why was it that the baboon had been able to see those visions, and siply smell where Simba had been, and knew how to find him. It came to him in visions, of course. Ones that came from chemicals, mind altering chemicals. And in small doses as well.   
  
But Edward had completely drained the small puddle of the liquid that had been made. Which was deffinately not a good sign. There was no way to pull him back now, Edward's mind had been destroyed, all for a small kick from watching the colors explode in his eyes, and the feeling it had given him. His brain turned to a sort of mush. Though, at the moemnt, he didn't care, and probably never would. he was far too busy chasing after the antelope, all three at once, as they scattered. Ed of course tryig to chase all three at once, but only ending up running in circles.   
  
Ah, it was a sad day indeed. The hyena's had lost their only true hunter, and brilliant mind among them. Edward had ceased to exist. Now, there only remained a shell of a canine, The vacant look in his eyes, which still both pointed in opposite dirrections, easily told anyone who saw them, that this hyena would no longer be able to think on his own, instead, he'd end up like the rest of the hyena's. Only, much, much worse. For a long while, Ed sat, his eyes locked on the ground, his tongue lolling out from the corner of his mouth, as he contemplated the rok before him. Idle curiosity brought him to the question... 'Will that hurt if I bang my head on it?' Maybe it was the drugs, or the frog, or perhaps, just a good combination of them both. But Edward was gone, replaced by the dimwitted, stupid, and even occasional incoherent.. Ed.  
  
The loud thunk echoed in the air as the hyena finnaly gave into curiosity, and slammed his head against the rock. He sat there, for a few long moments, starring down at the hard, gray slab of minerals before him. Before, much like his commerades had been doing earlier, he burst into a fit of loud, annoying laughter, before bounding off to go find his friends once more. Who knows, perhaps he'll be able to come over his altered state one of these days, and be like he used to be. But untill then, we pitty this poor, empty headed, vacant eyed being, known as simply... Ed. 


End file.
